My research methods professor in college presented us with an assignment. He told us to go to a public place to observe people for a few hours. We were to take notes as to what type of people we were observing, how they acted, and what these individuals were doing. It seemed like an interesting project, but even though the professor’s instructions were clear, we didn’t know what exactly to look for. The professor said we can observe people anywhere, so I decided to go to the mall one afternoon to do my project. I sat down on the bench and observed the people walk by and took mental notes as to what I saw. I saw senior citizens walking through probably getting their daily exercise, a few couples who might have took the day off to shop, and mothers pushing their infants in a baby stroller or walking with their children.
Observing these individuals, I noted that most of them seemed to be happy and enjoying themselves. One group that caught my attention were the mothers with their children. I noticed that most of the children, surprisingly, were very well behaved. In the rare event that a child did misbehave, the mothers would “properly” scold them and the child would stop their tantrum. Even though this was worth noting, it didn’t mean anything significant to me at that time.
A year later, after researching stalking behaviors, I stumbled across a study conducted by Kristine Kienlen in which she theorized that children who grew up with poor attachments toward their parents typically grew up to become stalkers (Meloy, 1998). But what does this have to do with my college research project? It suddenly occurred to me that what I observed at the mall a year ago was proper childhood attachments at work. This, in itself, made me think.
I began to think that mothers who properly cared for their children subjected them to “tough love,” a process of equal positive and negative reinforcements, which would be the reason why most of the children at the mall were well behaved. If the child misbehaved, the parent would subject negative reinforcement toward the child such as a slap on the wrist or a verbal reprimand (Myers, 2002). If the child was well behaved, however, the parent would positively reinforce that behavior by offering the child ice cream or a small gift (Myers, 2002). This shows in the broad sense of things a proper attachment between child and parent.
On the flip side, parents who provided a poor attachment between themselves and their children basically do not care what their children do. These parents do not understand the concept between positive and negative reinforcement. These parents are the ones you see in public yelling, screaming, and hitting their children because that child misbehaved. They give little to no positive reinforcement for their child’s good behavior.
Does this mean that these children will become hardened criminals by the time they grow up? Probably not, but the way a child is raised by their parents will influence them in how they act as adults (Myers, 2002).
But this article is not going to discuss childhood psychology, rather, it is to further explore Kienlen’s theory that improper childhood attachment can cause children to stalk when they grow up and become adults. To explore this theory, there must be an understanding of what proper attachment is. Once this is defined, there will be a focus on how improper attachment and violence in the home produces delinquent adolescents and criminal adults. Finally, the results from Kienlen’s study alongside criminological theories will be used to back up this evidence.
What is attachment theory? If an object is attached to another object, these two items stick together. A perfect example is Velcro straps. Velcro straps are two strips of material with different surfaces; a coarse surface with tiny “hooks,” and a fuzzy surface to latch onto those “hooks.” When these two surfaces are separated from one another, the Velcro does not work. If you place the Velcro straps together, both surfaces latch to each other and they become attached. Once attached, Velcro serves its purpose. It’s a corny example, but Velcro straps can also represent the relationship between child and parent. The child needs the parent for a variety of things, and the parent needs the child. If the child and parent do not attach with one another, then the relationship is meaningless. However, once child and parent do attach, the relationship now has meaning.
Some ways this relationship is created are through bodily contact, familiarity, and responsive parenting (Myers, 2002). When a child is being raised by a parent, the most important thing that parent can do is engage in bodily contact with the child. This is commonly done through touch, kisses, hugs, or stroking the baby’s hair. It is with this contact that the baby realizes that the parent is the caring figure in his or her life (Myers, 2002). This, in turn, creates a sense of familiarity with the parent figure. A child can also become familiar with the parent if the parent is always close by, always caring for the child, and always providing for the child’s needs (Myers, 2002). This is responsive parenting, because whenever the baby cries or becomes “cranky,” the parent immediately comes to the baby’s aid and provides for them until those needs are met. These three criteria are crucial for proper attachment.
Once the child is attached to the parent, the child begins to develop a sense of security in which to retreat to (Myers, 2002). In other words, the child uses the parent as a secure base in order to explore the world and discover new things (Myers, 2002). Kienlen wrote in her article that a child goes through four stages during the attachment process, beginning with bodily contact with a parent and ending with the proper attachment to a significant other (Meloy, 1998). Depending on whether a child is properly or improperly attached to their parents, therefore, will determine how that child will act once he or she becomes an adult (Myers, 2002).
If a child was properly attached to their parents, they grow up to become confident individuals who are enthusiastic and persistent in their ways (Myers, 2002). Because the child was secure when growing up, once he or she becomes an adult, they don’t need anybody to provide them with the security to lead a comfortable life. However, if a child was improperly attached to their parents, the child will grow up to become a withdrawn, frightened, or speechless individual (Myers, 2002). It is these individuals that Kienlen theorized become stalkers (Meloy, 1998). The reason is that these individuals did not have an attachment figure in their life, due to improper parenting or abuse.
Consider the following example to place this into perspective. John was raised in home where his parents did not provide proper attachment. When John grew up he was always withdrawn from others, always frightened, and was borderline antisocial. One day, John meets Susan at a church function. One thing leads to another and the two begin to date. During the course of the relationship, John is beginning to form a secure bond with his partner, and is beginning to view Susan as his attachment figure. John believes that Susan is the right one for him and that if Susan ever breaks the relationship, John would be devastated; for he would lose his attachment figure. John’s fear comes true when Susan decides to break up with John. Because of the breakup, John’s attachment figure is no longer around. Since John craves that security and bond that Susan provided, he begins to follow her, call her several times a day, and wait outside her home, all because of one purpose; he wants that security and attachment figure back in his life to feel secure himself. When Susan continues to belittle John, John becomes angry and the stalking becomes a dangerous situation for Susan.
Since improper attachment can lead to stalking, according to Kienlen (Meloy, 1998), what happens when a child is raised in an abusive home? According to David Myers, if a child is raised in an abusive household, that child will most likely grow up to become an abuser as well (Myers, 2002).
“Children who witness violence at home are more likely to become angry, dysfunctional adults later in life” (Meadows, 2005, p. 140). These children experience symptoms of anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and temperament problems (Meadows, 2005). In order to understand why children experience these problems, we have to understand what constitutes abuse. The abuser typically insults their victim, puts the victim down, has total control over the victim, and sometimes in the most extreme cases, assaults the victim (Swanson, 2003). It is no wonder why victims of abuse and neglect experience the aforementioned symptoms. If we were to continue to follow Kienlen’s theory about stalkers and poor attachments, we could say that abusive parents who provide improper attachment toward their children and influence them to become abusers themselves would become domestic abusers and stalkers as adults. “Although some victims of [child] abuse appear to survive their victimization with only minor damage, evidence is mounting that the majority suffer serious problems of negative self-concepts, an inability to form normal relationships with other people, and symptoms of depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behavior” (Bartollas, 2005, p. 66).
Abusive parents do not give proper attachment toward their children. Instead, they are more focused on control issues instead of proper child rearing (Regoli, 2003). Add to the mix that children who come from abusive households grow up to be abusers themselves, we can begin to see the domestic abuser/stalker take shape. Not only does this individual want to be attached to their significant other, but if they have the seeds of abuse sown inside them, these individuals can become very dangerous. As Robert Regoli and John Hewitt note, “male delinquents who had been maltreated were significantly more likely to be persistent and violence offenders, while nonmaltreated delinquents tended to be routine, infrequent offenders” (Regoli, 2003 p. 267).
Clifford Shaw and Henry McKay coined a term called social disorganization theory. The gist behind this theory is that as the social controls of the family and community deteriorate, the likelihood a child will turn to delinquent or criminal acts increases (Bartollas, 2005). In other words, if we were to focus on a family who practices proper child rearing, we would observe traditional family values in practice; the teaching of respect, the love shared between each family member, and above all the teaching between right and wrong (McIntyre, 2002). These core values have been handed down from generation to generation in order to make the future generations live up to the social norms of society (McIntyre, 2002). If these values were stripped away, then the teachings of respect, love, and the difference between right and wrong are no longer there. As a result, children will become delinquent, which they will soon take to be normal activity, and grow up to become criminals (Bartollas, 2005).
Social disorganization theory can also be applied to attachment theory. If the family’s core values break down, then they lack proper attachment to their children. Since there is a lack of proper attachment, these children have a greater chance of becoming criminals, especially stalkers and/or domestic abusers.
Kienlen discovered in her 1997 study that stalkers did in fact experience severe disruptions in their childhood care-taking relationships with their parents (Meloy, 1998). As a result of these poor relationships, these individuals grow up to have unstable relationships with others and develop stalking behavior (Meloy, 1998). Kienlen found in her research that once a child develops a secure attachment with their parent, that child has a sense of assurance, comfort, and confidence to explore his or her surroundings (Meloy, 1998). If a child does not have secure attachments with their parents, that child might have the opposite; as mentioned earlier, low self-esteem, heightened anxiousness, and lack of confidence.
Kienlen also found that a child seeks their caregiver for the simple fact to verify that the caregiver is present for reassurance (Meloy, 1998). If the child is frightened, tired, or doesn’t see the caregiver, the child will begin to follow, cling to, or cry for the caregiver (Meloy, 1998). In an insecure attachment between child and parent, no matter how much the child follows or cries for the caregiver, the caregiver doesn’t provide the child with any security. Once the child grows up and forms an intimate relationship with somebody else, an attachment and secure bond is formed. If that bond is broken, that individual will begin to seek the partner to reestablish that bond. As a result, stalking ensues.
The interesting part about stalkers is no matter how much effort there is to curb their behavior, the stalker doesn’t realize that he or she is doing anything wrong. Stalkers, according to Kienlen, typically abuse their victims verbally, threaten them, or physically abuse the victim when they don’t notice the stalker’s phone calls, letters, or pursuit (Meloy, 1998). This is just like a child who throws a tantrum in the supermarket when his or her mother refuses to buy a certain item. If the mother ignores her child’s tantrum, the tantrum gets louder and more out of control. The same holds true for stalkers. If the stalker realizes that the victim is ignoring him or her, the stalker increases their effort to make the victim notice them.
Some statistics from Kienlen’s study found that 63% of stalkers changed or lost their primary caregiver during their childhood, 42% of stalkers had a disruption in their caregiver relationship between the ages of six and below, and 55% of stalkers experienced emotional, physical, or sexual abuse as a child (Meloy, 1998). Factor in other problems such as substance abuse, depression, anti-social personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder, the chances are extremely high that that individual will become a stalker (Meloy, 1998).
Stalkers and domestic abusers typically experience extreme amounts of stress in their lives. According to strain theory, if negative stimuli such as anger, frustration, disappointment, depression or fear are present, a person may take out his or her anger on others (Siegel, 2002). Let us take a look at two more people to place this in the context of our discussion. Ralph was insecure as a child due to poor attachment and child abuse. When Ralph grows up, he meets Wendy at a local nightclub and the both of them begin a relationship. Wendy believes that Ralph is a nice guy, but what she doesn’t know is that Ralph has low self-esteem, stressed out and frustrated from work, and fearful of loosing Wendy.
Criminologists say that Ralph is the perfect example of strain theory at work. One day, Wendy says something that makes Ralph “snap” from the pressure. As a result, Ralph beats Wendy so bad she needs to go to the hospital. A few weeks later, Wendy leaves Ralph and moves away. Since Ralph was forming a secure bond with Wendy, he hopes to get that attachment back. As a result, Ralph begins to stalk Wendy.
Stalking is an old crime, but it has recently caught the attention of law enforcement personnel. Research on this serious crime is new, and as a result, several theories are being created, such as Kienlen’s (Meloy, 1998). The information presented in this article is nothing more than a theory. Based on the information out there, this theory shows some merit to it. Poor childhood attachments do in fact cause the child to act differently from the mainstream “normal” child. Evidence has shown that poor childhood attachments can create problem adults who commit crimes such as stalking. However, just like any research study, theories need to be refined and tested before concrete proof can be presented.
REFERENCES:
Bartollas, Clemens, Miller, Stuart J. (2005). Juvenile Justice in America. Prentice Hall: Upper Saddle River, New Jersey.
McIntyre, Lisa J. (2002). The Practical Skeptic: Core Concepts in Sociology. McGraw Hill: New York City, New York.
Meadows, Robert J., Kuehnel, Julie. (2005). Evil Minds: Understanding and Responding to Violent Predators. Prentice Hall: Upper Saddle River, New Jersey.
Meloy, J. Reid. (1998). The Psychology of Stalking: Clinical and Forensic Perspectives. “Developmental and Social Antecedents of Stalking” by: Kristine K. Kienlen. Academic Press: San Diego, California.
Myers, David G. (2002). Exploring Psychology. Worth Publishing: New York City, New York.
Regoli, Robert M., Hewitt, John D. (2003). Delinquency in Society. McGraw Hill: New York City, New York.
Siegel, Larry J. (2002). Criminology: The Core. Wadsworth/Thompson Learning: Belmont, California.
Swanson, Charles R., Chamelin, Neil C., Territo, Leonard. (2003). Criminal Investigation: Eighth Edition. McGraw Hill: New York City, New York.
DISCLAIMOR:
The stories that are told on this blog are true. The names have been changed to protect the true identities of those individuals involved. If you have any questions reguarding this blog entry, please click on the envelope next to comments underneath this article. On the screen that appears, enter your name and your email address. Under "friend's email address" enter Senorgetman@yahoo.com. I will only accept emails under this fashion and I will try to respond as soon as possible.. DISCLAIMOR: THIS WEBSITE BY NO MEANS OFFERS LEGAL ADVICE TO VICTIMS OF STALKING AND DOMESTIC ABUSE. IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY A VICTIM OF STALKING AND/OR DOMESTIC ABUSE, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY IMMEDIATLEY.
